It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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