I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
