Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
