AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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