yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
