bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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