Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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