this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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