there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I have feelings that need drinking.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
