You're completely useless in the revolution.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
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i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
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And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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