College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
