Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Drake has all the answers
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
