ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
