We won't sleep together?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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