Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
