We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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