Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I had to cum in my sink.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
