He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
