He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
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I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
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You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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