I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
