I heard we made out
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
