When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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