I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
