You're so nebulous sometimes
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We got so high we made milksteak
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
