I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
