Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
