A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
