Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
