i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
