our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
