watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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