no, he came in my armpit
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
