I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
