My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
