i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
