You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
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Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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