How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
