Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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