yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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