I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize