In America we eat man semen.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
