I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
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