I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
