I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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