My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
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