I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
