Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
