i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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