I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
