loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
