I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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