I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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