I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think your dad took our porno
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
