ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
