Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
