It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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