3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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