two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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