today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
