Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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