She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
