New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
