the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm like, not good at living.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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