You made me cry and you don't even care
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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