i already hear my dad disowning me
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
