Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
