That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have aggressive nipples.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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