She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You're a waste of cheezeits
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
