i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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