They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
