You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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