So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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