Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I stole a fireplace last night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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